Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles [Gamecube] Review

Ever since 1996, Nintendo fans have been desperately wanting Square to return their side in hopes that they would develop awesome RPGs comparable to Square’s magnificent gems of the mid 1990s – Chrono Trigger, Final Fantasy III, Super Mario RPG, and Secret of Mana. Years passed and once Playstation proved itself to be the most popular system in the world (many believe Square and Enix supporting Sony was the reason behind the success of the system), it seemed like Square would never go back to making anything for Nintendo ever. In 2003, things changed. Square Enix announced that not only would they begin developing games for a Nintendo system again, but that their first console game would be none other than a Final Fantasy title. As expected, gamers everywhere rejoiced.

Then March 2004 came around…and gamers wept. You see, Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles isn’t necessarily a bad game…but it is so low of quality compared to the hype of what Square was making it up to be that it can’t be thought of as anything except a letdown. I was hoping this Final Fantasy game would play just like Secret of Mana only with beautiful graphics and CD-quality sound. However, FF:CC is more like Secret of Mana’s retarded, paralyzed cousin than anything else. I remember when Final Fantasy Mystic Quest was ripped a new one by the press in the early 1990s…and that was a game that at least tried to be like a RPG. Unlike most die hard RPG fanatics at the time, I really enjoyed Mystic Quest…I liked the simpler gameplay and interesting story…it was a nice compliment to the series. FF:CC doesn’t add anything to the series though. Really, if you took “Final Fantasy” out of the title no one would even attempt to play this game after five seconds. I think that gamers have been wanting a FF title to appear on their system for so long that anything – including this so-so game – would look like RPG gold (even though it isn’t an RPG!).

The graphics in FF:CC are nice and sometimes beautiful…but the majority of the time are average or forgettable. The music shares similarities with the graphics – at times it is amazing but more often than not – you’ll be wanting to hit the “Mute” button on your remote. (What is up with the overworld map music.!?!?!?..uuuggghhhh! My ears!) The play control is easy to learn but irritating to mess with. You are only allowed to assign so many items / spells / etc. to buttons at one time and because of this you will be constantly going back and forth through your inventory screens. Of course, once you pick up a healing spell you’re set for any given level. Without that single spell though the game would be much tougher – but for the wrong reasons. The gameplay is so simplistic anyone, given enough time, can beat FF:CC without using too much brainpower (…because the enemy AI is crap. You can beat everything in the game with the same attack from the same old sword practically!). I brought up the point of “enough time” in the last sentence because no one will probably stick with FF:CC long enough to beat the game due to its lack of anything resembling a story. The story (the most important part of any RPG) in FF:CC revolves around the player filling up a jug with magical water every year. That is it. Nothing more, ladies and gentlemen. That’s the whole ball o’ wax. Oh, you’ll see little cut scenes that are supposed to explain the story while travelling back and forth between levels and towns…but they are pointless and after awhile become a nuisance to sit through. In fact, all of FF:CC is pointless and a nuisance to sit through. I only played it for as long as I did (about 8 or 9 hours) because I was hoping something would all of a sudden change and FF:CC would finally become worthwhile.

Boy, was I disapointed. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of disappointment – the multiplayer / GBA connectivity thing is not worth a second of your time. In Multiplayer one person will carry around the chalice while the other people  that are playing get to have fun killing stuff. The whole Gameboy Advance 2nd screen deal adds nothing to gameplay except to show you where to find treasure that is useless or to display stats of enemies who can be easily killed with a sword attack.

People looking to find an updated version of Secret of Mana…or any decent Square game for that matter…will be extremely bored with Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles. It adds nothing to the FF series, it adds nothing to the genre, and it adds nothing to games whatsoever.

It is an average game with a big name that will be forgotten and won’t be missed. Boo Square.

Graphics: 6 | Sound: 5 | Play Control: 5 | Fun Factor: 4 | Final Score: 48%

Mario Party 5 [Gamecube] Review

I remember back when the original Mario Part game came out on the Nintendo 64 a few years back. That was a horrendous “game” back then because it required no skill, mindless button mashing and about 8 controllers (since the game demolished them).

Fast forward to 2003 and we have the FIFTH game in the series and the mystery of why anyone with 2 braincells would buy these games is still left unanswered. First, let’s start with the graphics: They look like something you saw on the N64. The game boards are lifeless and boring, lighting effects are pretty much non-existent, animation is nothing great and the mini-games, which should offer some graphical variety, look as bland and as stale as the rest of the game. The sound is average at best and is easily forgettable and the play control is downright stupid.

Some mini-games are horribly difficult to win at due to retarded control setups and moving on the game board is slow and cumbersome. The mini-games’ gameplay this time around are as horrid as ever but luckily not as hurtful to your controller as previous installments (thank God!). The irritating element of luck is still dominant in this Mario Party sequel and it really doesn’t matter anymore if you “win” or “lose” in the end…because even if you play (or look at!) this game for more than 2 seconds, you’ll always end up being a loser. This game has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and should be banned in every country. But hey, that’s just my opinion.

Graphics: 3 | Sound: 3 | Play Control: 2 | Fun Factor: 1 | Final Score: 19%

Legend of Zelda Collection [Gamecube] Review

For a mere $20, you won’t find a better deal than this game. First, you get can get this game through a variety of ways for free (by purchasing specially marked Gamecube systems or by buying two qualifying new release titles) or for a small amount by simply subscribing to Nintendo Power. So, with 20 bucks you get 12 issues of NP and a Gamecube disk containing four of the best video games of all time. What can I really say about these games included on the disk other than mentioning how much I love each and every one of them.

The N64 classic Ocarina of Time is present in all its glory and is an exact port of the original game. Zelda and Zelda II: The Adventure of Link are also great games that can be found on the disk as well. Finally, you a get a full version of Majora’s Mask (the best 3D Zelda game ever!) and you no longer have to buy a N64 (which most people have sold by this point), a RAM Pak and the once-expensive cartridge. It’s too bad Zelda 3: A Link To The Past wasn’t included but I’m guessing Nintendo knew that if they put it in this compilation no one would buy the GBA version or the upcoming Four Swords Gamecube game. Some people may have issues with the graphics and sound being dated (the sound quality may suck, but the tunes are excellent!) but it never really bothered me (even the sound glitches in Majora’s Mask). Although, I can’t blame gamers for expecting the visuals to be updated somewhat I guess (it seems like a rather direct, lazy port). Oh well, I suppose you can’t have everything. Oh, and let me just say that along with the four full games you also get a 10 minute Zelda: Wind Waker demo and an exclusive never-before-seen video that goes through the evolution of the Zelda games.

These are all A+ games and a couple of them are close to being perfect…so if you have $20 (and if you don’t, sell a kidney now-this is better!) you are missing out if you don’t pick up this game before it’s no longer manufactured and its price starts to skyrocket.

Graphics: 4 | Sound: 9 | Play Control: 10 | Fun Factor: 10 | Final Score: 84%

Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers [Gamecube] Review

The Lord of the Rings movies are amazing spectacles to watch in the theater. Watching an epic fantasy series like LOTR on the big screen really makes you appreciate how technology can make movies more believable and exciting. After seeing the Two Towers (a good movie but not nearly as great as Fellowship) you want there to be a game out there for your favorite system that lets you relive all of the action on screen. Unfortunately, EA’s Two Towers makes you want to throw yourself into the fires of Mt. Doom.

This is one of the worst movie-based games I have played in a long time. I don’t know why so many reviewers and magazines said this was a fun game when they blasted Enter the Matrix, a game also based on a movie. I think it probably has something to do with reviewers wanting to make a good game seem worse then it is because they felt let down by the film (and want to punish the filmakers in someway…in LOTR:TTT case, this is the opposite). Well boo hoo everyone! LOTR: The Two Towers is a horrible game and there’s no getting past that. This game is not revolutionary, it doesn’t have deep gameplay, it has crap for graphics, the play control is horrible and you simply fight all of the same stuff you see in the films (a few new locales and encounters not seen in the movie can be found, but rarely…). At least Enter the Matrix tried to make a completely new experience for players rather than throwing gamers into the predictable role of Neo or Trinity. Man.

So anyways, what is up with the so-called “great” graphics in this game? The character models are laughably bad (only good from FAAARRRR away!), the “transitions” from real film to in-game cinematics is horrible (ohhh…I see, it must be good since they both used the same camera angle-BAH!), the framerate flip-flops from 60fps to choppy and studdering during intense fights and many times there is simply TOO much going on and you lose track of your character. The levels do look nice and the effects are neat but “ewww…” describes the rest. The sound is okay but the rehash of dialogue and music heard in the movies gets old real fast. The play control is just downright bad – sometimes my fingers hurt from hitting the buttons so many times. And what’s up with the combos? Not only are they useless most of the time but they are awkward to execute. Plus, once again the Gamecube controller shows off it’s bad design flaws and pain and cramping of the hands is the result. Thanks EA.

Now I played through most of this game but I gave up during the stage where I had to defend a frickin’ door from wave after wave of enemies. I kept dying before I could destroy all the enemies and after having to mash buttons (which is all one must really do in LOTR:TTT) for 10 minutes straight every time I restarted, I said the heck with it. I saw the movie and I know how the flick ends. I also saw where this game was going as well: It was going be ignored until I returned it to the video store.

Graphics: 5 | Sound: 5 | Play Control: 3 | Fun Factor: 3 | Final Score: 37%

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3 [Gamecube] Review

I don’t care for Tony Hawk 3 too much. I think it’s overrated, graphically dull, annoying music wise, and has retarded controls. I know that goes against what 99% of reviewers out there believe, but hear me out and you’ll agree. First off, let’s start with the graphics: They’re good…they’re decent….they’re…there. I’ve seen better 3D worlds and characters in many games, and compared to what is on the market alongside Tony Hawk 3, it just isn’t all that exciting. It’s just average, and that’s good…but not great. As for the sound, I like the punk-rock-rap tunes that are played when I’m skating…but only the first few times I hear them. It’s horrible when you have to mute a game because the music is so damn irritating you believe that if you hear it one more time when you play, you might throw the controller across the room. And speaking of controllers, Tony Hawk doesn’t have “perfect” control as so many gaming “experts” say. I played through every level in the game and there were dozens upon dozens of times that I specifically input a certain move and another was done. …and you know what, it was always funny how it happened whenever I was so close to unlocking a level or breaking a score…(hmmm…) The computer cheats with this one, son…go grab the shotgun and let’s teach it a lesson. Tony Hawk is an okay game…but not the frickin’ holy grail like fat-reviewers/coolskateboarder-wannabees think it is.

Graphics: 7 | Sound: 4 | Play Control: 6 | Fun Factor: 6 | Final Score: 61%